I have a confession to make: I love getting high. There, I said it. I am not a “stoner”…just a recreational user, usually before I get a deep tissue massage.
It’s often under the influence (just one hit does it for me) where I feel like a creative genius. My brain turns into a high-speed processor of "brilliant ideas" and I’m convinced they will be transformative. I’ve learned to write these thoughts down immediately, terrified to forget my train of thoughts which happens often.
Then, the next morning happens. I open my notebook, read my "revelations," and think: What the actual fuck was I thinking?
But occasionally, amidst the nonsense, there might be a seed.
Lately, I’ve been oscillating, overthinking, and pacing around major life decisions. So, the last time I smoked, right after Passover, the fog cleared and gave me a moment of pure, unadulterated clarity. I realized it’s time.
It is time to close the store.
Just to be clear: I’m not depressed. I’m just a woman whose only real fears are being bored and being lonely.
This Passover I was encouraged to find what was holding me back, what was I a "slave of", and under the influence, I realized it was my big fucking EGO, that nagging, exhausting desire to be seen, to be praised, to be "somebody." I’ve been a slave to that shit for years. I’m finally releasing myself from the need to be "discovered”, to build some massive, global brand. I’m actually tearing up as I write this, because God knows I tried, and admitting I’m letting go of that dream is huge for me.
The truth? I’m a control freak. Fucking control!!! (Sorry for all the F words…) I’ve spent my life convinced nobody could do it as well as me, incapable of delegating. I had to be perfect. I have to do it myself.
But in that moment of clarity, I finally gave myself some grace. I realized I did do well. I’ve given this business everything I have. And now? I want to actually see my grandkids grow up. I want to savor those years because soon I will be too old to play soccer, too old to play tag or to bike with them.
They will be going full-time to school and those “baby” times aren’t coming back. No amount of "hustle" is worth missing that.
When I see my grandkids coming into the store to get their chocolate chips—which, let’s be honest, was a brilliant idea- they’re going to remember "visiting Kiki at her store" forever. But I want to leave them with more than that. I want them to know the chicest, coolest, most athletic version of their grandmother.
Seeing my daughters navigate motherhood is the ultimate validation of my life’s work. I see through their parenting the values I instilled in them. I did good. Now it is time to create a roadmap for being the best grandmother.
So, what’s next? I will close the store next year, May 2027 ( I am giving you one year to get that piece you’ve been coveting) and then I’ll figure it out, which I always do.
My daughters have been asking for more time with them...
Letting go is my Mother’s day gift to them.
I did good.
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